Happy Blogday to Brian

You have click on the heading to see what this is all about!

Number Crunching

Hung, and not so well hung, parliament.
All this talk about a coalitions and working together for the good of the country still misses consideration of one particular option.

The BBC has published a very clear visualisation of possible coalition possibilities:

Now look at the votes cast for the parties and the % of the vote for each party:

Add Conservative votes to those for Labour and you get 19,311,005 which is 65.1% of the votes cast.

If politicians really did want a 'Government of Unity' for "the good of the country" then the 59.1% with Lib/Dems is not as good as a Con/Labour cooperation.

Final thought:
If the politicians really had the interests of the country foremost, rather than their own tribal allegiances and lust for power then all the parties would form a ~ Government of Unity ~ a full coalition

Gave me a lift!

There I was standing in an elevator at Queen Mary's Hospital when an elderly woman tottered in and surveying the buttons for the choice of floor declared to the other passengers;

"I'm no good at lifts ~ mechanical"

Whilst the lift is indeed moved by mechanical means of gears, cables and counterweights the actual user interface is purely physical/electronic; push the button whose number corresponds to the floor number to which you wish to travel, and wait.

I smiled, I pressed the button for her in an artistic, rather than mechanical, way!

picture

I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue lives on . . .

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline
11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

I was tagged

by Brian Sibley
to reveal six things of relatively little importance. Quite hard to do as so many small unconsidered trifles often have far more important consequences in the future . . .



* During a game of ‘chain he’ a friend, at the end of the line, fell and broke his front tooth.

* A small child on a small bike swerved into my bike so that his pedal stopped my front wheel, abruptly - I went over the handlebars and broke my front tooth.

* I went to to a recording of ‘The Frost Programme’ and saw Cleo Laine sing.

* I learnt to drive on a series of old cars and vans and so became used to a variety of control layouts and conditions of vehicle necessitating various ‘tricks’ to keep the engine running.

* During childhood the TV broke down and my family lived for several years with no television, to the scandalous surprise of friends.

* A porter at a hospital where I once worked during the college vacation would often stand, staring into space. He was, he said, trying to work out why his own business, making packaging, had gone bust. He never did reveal his solution!

Updated Web Page

A new page containing; apart from some more pictures of me in action; a role call of spectators you may have heard of and a series of quotations from various e-mails that express good responses to my performances.




Visit page to see the rest...

Web-site ~ at last

After much time, well years actually, there is now more than just a 'holding page' at this address

Inconsequential Trivia

Back in 1966 I started to keep a record of the magic shows that I performed; details of venue, times, audience, effects performed and income generated.

Apart from a total number of shows for each month and then year, I kept a running tally of the total number of performances.

This week I passed the 4,000 mark.

Curious Irony

A Curious Irony ~as a computer virus affects hospitals

The Royal London Hospital is among the three hit by the computer bug 

Three London hospitals have been forced to shut down their entire computer systems for at least 24 hours after being hit by a virus.

St Bartholomew's (Barts) in the City, the Royal London Hospital in Whitechapel and The London Chest Hospital in Bethnal Green are affected. A spokesman said well-rehearsed emergency procedures were in place. Theatres and outpatient departments had remained operational, and patients with appointments were still being seen. The spokesman said walk-in patients were being accepted at accident and emergency, and processed using manual back-up systems. But ambulances were being diverted to neighbouring hospitals to ensure that seriously ill patients did not suffer as a result of the slower manual systems being used. The patient transport system used by elderly or disabled patients to attend routine appointments has also been disrupted. The spokesman said the virus was "not malicious", and the infection was "self-contained".

Credit Crunchie

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on HBOS in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan.

In the last 7 hours Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

Courtesy HoaxSlayer

Speak up about dumbing down

The great thing for TV, is to get people who will embarrass themselves for the entertainment of others, whether it be marriages that are on the rocks discussed in a public forum; sad 'z' list ex-performers who get into reality show in an attempt to revitalize their careers; nice old codgers who really can't cut the mustard in ballroom dancing; performers who get it spectacularly wrong, or a performance that is simply edited to show the worst bits ~ all in the name of entertainment. Paying a class act would be far too expensive! I guess this is what is meant by dumbing down. Even experienced broadcasters can sink to the level of leaving messages, in bad taste, on an elderly actor's answering machine and we all saw where that led!

It must be a sign of getting mature when one harks back to days when entertainers were skillful, fun, but not always 'novel'. How I still enjoy a classical piece of jazz or a routine by Victor Borge (Who? you ask; it's an age thing. C'est la vie)

Anonymous commentator & 0870 numbers

In reply to my entry about Olympic Airways I received a response from 'anonymous'.

As a general rule I do not encourage anonymous postings/replies; after all I've put my name to what I've written, why can't others do the same.

The poster comments about the excessive charges of an 0871 number and that it shouldn't be a premium rate number.

In reply all I can say without fear of contradiction is that I called it from a mobile in order that I could put it on a speaker to save me getting arm ache as I waited for a reply ~ a reply which, in fact, never came! Further I saw the phone bill for this singular call, £1.43.

I take the writer's point that it is the mobile phone company who are 'ripping' subscribers off with their excessive charges.

I feel another rant coming on about 0870 numbers and would point you to a web-site about this very subject.